perspective

About a year ago on my old blog, I posted a quote from Practically Efficient about how what happens in our lives shapes us into who we are and who we become. At the time, it became my mantra. I absolutely had to believe that something good would come from all the heartache I was enduring, or I could not have survived. It was so painful to discuss identity development with my students while reflecting on how my own identity was very much in question.

A few days out from the good news I waited so desperately for so long to hear, I am now at peace with everything that has happened. It’s ok I didn’t get the first job I interviewed for, because I likely would have experienced furloughs and pay cuts. Staying at my institution meant that I was able to get my feet wet with graduate teaching in a familiar and supportive environment. I had one more year with my friends and family. I was able to get some writing done. Even though the job I got the next year was not permanent, it allowed me to have so many amazing experiences and to meet people who have become some of my dearest friends. I was able to find out what I was good at and to cultivate my weaker areas in this new environment. I battled health issues, professional difficulties, and living apart from my spouse, yet I came out the other side better and stronger than before. If anything, I learned that life is too short to be unhappy and that I alone was responsible for my happiness. I couldn’t keep waiting on some person to decide to hire me to make me feel good about myself. As much as I love what I do, I realized that my professional identity was part of me, but it is not who I am. I was pushed to the point where my only choice was to do what I wanted to do with my life. I had to know that I would be happy for the other 16 hours of the day. And here, I am.

Now I can move on, with the wisdom and strength I gained going through what I had thought was my worst nightmare. I can be more confident in who I am as a person and as a professional, and be grateful for what I have and how I got it.